My Light

The air sparkles with tiny drops of day.

Flashing colors play everywhere in glass. 

I follow the light that calls me far away, 

Closing the door as I eagerly pass. 

Flashing colors play everywhere in glass

Like a child. I don’t notice Him there, 

Closing the door as I eagerly pass.

I chase rainbows for gold anywhere. 

Like a child, I don’t notice Him there–

That home-like light abandoned. By my lights, 

I chase rainbows for gold anywhere, 

Seizing the prey, putting out the old delights–

That homelike light. Abandoned by my lights, 

I shiver, the black and grey conquering the world, 

Seizing the prey, putting out the old delights, 

Revealing the tapestry of night unfurled.

I shiver. The black and grey conquering the world 

Strip the colored mask from my soul, 

Revealing the tapestry of night. Unfurled 

Like the tail of a scorpion, my black hole. 

Strip the colored mask! From my soul, the emptiness of wanting hits me, stinging

Like the tail of a scorpion. My black hole

Devours the world and leaves me with nothing. 

The emptiness of wanting hits me. Stinging

Tears pool in my eyes as the stab of chances lost

Fills the darkened traces of my thought. 

I grieve the doorway I closed but might have crossed. 

The Light I love yet easily forgot 

Fills the darkened traces of my thought. 

I want Him more than every fleeting hue.

The Light I love but easily forgot 

Shines like gold in the doorway I once knew.

I want Him more than every fleeting hue, 

That everlasting, glorious Light that

Shines like gold in the doorway. I once knew 

The place that He and I always sat.

That everlasting, glorious light, that

Forsaken Hope leads me softly home–

The place that He and I always sat

Before. My thirsting heart that enticed me to roam, 

Forsaken, Hope leads me softly home

Where radiant hues rejoice like fireworks in the sky

Before my thirsting heart that enticed me to roam. 

I kneel and drink and feel the darkness fly.

Where radiant hues rejoice like fireworks in the sky, 

I follow the Light that calls me far away. 

I kneel and drink and feel the darkness fly. 

The air sparkles with tiny drops of day.

In this poem, I have tried to capture what it is like to wander away from the Lord. As a Christian, my greatest privilege in life is to know Christ and dwell with Him each day–now and forever. But unfortunately I am often distracted by lesser realities and run thoughtlessly from Him and miss the beauty of sharing each experience of my days with Him. I am left feeling empty and greedy because nothing finite in this world can satisfy my infinite desire. Only an infinite God can. 

Jeremiah 2:13 says, “For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the Fountain of living waters, to hue for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water,” describing the madness of turning to things that can’t even hold water to satisfy thirst when there is a fountain of running water to be had. 

The longing of the human heart can never fully be satisfied in pleasure, in success, in human relationships, or anything else temporary. When we look to these things to bring us happiness, we find that once the desire is achieved, we need something else to make us happy. And so goes the never-ending quest for happiness. A relatively bleak existence.

But when we choose to live in God’s presence, He can be our happiness and fulfillment in any situation. And the mundane things become beautiful because He is with us.

I am grateful for a merciful God who always calls me back, eager to forgive me, when I sin against His glorious presence. 

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